As children, we want the best for our parents. They spent their lives providing the best possible care for us, but as they get older, it becomes our time to take care of them. Keeping our elderly parents safe is a priority, and sometimes, this includes making challenging decisions about their driving privileges. 

Dealing with an elderly parent who insists on driving despite potential safety risks is a delicate issue. It’s crucial to approach this situation with both empathy and objectivity to maintain the well-being of your parent and other drivers. 

Emotional Considerations 

Discussing driving concerns with an elderly parent can be difficult and emotional. It’s important to start by having an open and non-confrontational conversation. For example, “I’m concerned about your safety when you’re driving” can be more effective than “You shouldn’t be driving anymore.” Use facts and real-life scenarios to help your parent understand your concerns. 

It’s tough because driving is often a symbol of independence and freedom. When a child has to tell their parent it’s time to retire from driving, it can feel as if you are taking away their sense of self-reliance. It’s important to listen attentively to their responses and acknowledge their feelings. This isn’t a one-time discussion but an ongoing conversation aimed at finding the best and safest solution together. 

Help your elderly parent understand their other mobility options, such as taking an Uber or a bus, or arranging rides with friends and family. Allow them to take part in the decision-making about alternative transportation options to help maintain their sense of being in control of the situation. 

Get Professional Advice 

Navigating these conversations and making these tough decisions doesn’t have to fall completely on your shoulders. Different avenues of professional advice could help guide your parent to give up their keys.  

You can start by contacting a driving rehabilitation specialist. These professionals assess driving capabilities and provide a detailed report, which can be instrumental for discussions with your parent. This assessment is similar to a teenager getting their license for the first time. The driving rehabilitation specialist will review your parent’s physical capabilities and cognitive skills, followed by an on-road driving exam to determine if they still have the basic skills needed to be safely behind the wheel. 

Getting older doesn’t necessarily mean you should quit driving altogether. If there is a physical deficit that is preventing safe driving, a driving rehabilitation specialist can also offer solutions such as adaptive equipment or vehicle modifications to accommodate your parents’ needs. 

In addition to a driving instructor, encourage a visit to their doctor. Regardless of whether your parent has the skills to drive, it is important to check in on their health. Various medical conditions such as dementia, deafness, blindness, or even side effects of medication can cause greater risks behind the wheel. Not to mention, your parent is more likely to take the advice of their doctor more seriously. 

If you firmly believe your parent poses a significant threat to themselves or others while driving, but they are unwilling to follow the necessary procedures, you can consult local authorities or the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV). Some regions allow for concerned individuals to report unsafe drivers anonymously. The DMV can then conduct a review or retesting of driving abilities as per the jurisdiction’s policies. 

As a last resort, if your parent is mentally incapacitated and incapable of making these decisions on their own, you may need to pursue legal guardianship. You can file a petition with the court and have a hearing to determine if taking guardianship over your elderly parent is in their best interest. If granted, you have the legal standing to make tough decisions on their behalf. 

Talk to a Lawyer 

When dealing with the affairs of aging parents, it may be beneficial to talk to an attorney. These situations can be complex, and it is nice to have an unbiased party in the mix to help navigate tough conversations. An experienced attorney in elder law can provide guidance on what your parent’s individual rights are, as well as what rights you have as their child. 

Aside from their extensive knowledge of the law, they can also provide simple advice and help facilitate family mediation during interventions. Telling your parent they can no longer do something is hard on you and your parent. These conversations can be very passionate and heated, so having an attorney present to guide constructive conversation can prevent lingering conflict within the family. 

In the unfortunate event that your parent is unwilling to comply with the safety boundaries you put in place, having an attorney who has already been a part of the process can help develop legal strategies. They can help you set up the necessary appointments to check your parent’s driving capabilities and cognitive ability to determine if they should retire from driving. If all else fails, an elder law attorney who is familiar with the family can stand in during a guardianship hearing to present evidence on your behalf.  

Handling an elderly parent’s desire to drive, despite safety concerns, involves a perfect balance between legal strategies and compassion. By taking a structured approach that includes assessments, understanding legal responsibilities, exploring alternative transportation, and possibly seeking legal counsel, you can protect your parent’s safety and respect their dignity.